I feel shitty. I woke up this morning and my day was kind of bright. I was happy because i slept well and for long. I had a good day, good lunch, good cake and chilled. After that things got shit pretty quick. I don't really know whether, i just have issues or am i actually depressed. I can spend a day with a tear flickering in my eye. Normally, it would just be over nothing or something that happened ages ago and when i come to think of it, i have never had a whole good day in my life. Never. Something always gets it my way. Circumstances in my life have made me feel unhappy even when i was happy. I feel like sometimes i force myself to be sad because i don't deserve to ever be happy. We all deserve to be happy but because of all i've gone through i don't think like that. I have to tell that to myself every morning. Sometimes, i think and i wish that the only issue i would have is drama with friends and new show fails. Just be a normal kid. I wish i could just decide to walk out my house and who travel the world and see all the beauty the world has to offer but everyday i have to wake up to the shame shitty world i was in the last night and it sucks. Constantly i feel like i have to prove something or be something but in my dreams i live a world full of hope and love and i rarely cry but when i do i always have someone there to make me feel better. In this world everyone is too busy with their own problems to look at someone who they have never seen before. I feel their pain, understand how they feel. Thats why i write this blog, to get all my sadness or anger out of the world. To let people know my opinions so that i don't keep them to myself and drown in my sorrows. I can never get to a place of suicide because it's like i'm telling people what i feel. But is it enough. Don't you need to hear someone else's opinions on a situations. Saying it on a blog is like talking to yourself but there is no answer. Even though someone might read it they never know the whole story which really hurts sometimes.
It's weird how people don't talk about mental well being enough even though it physically hurts. You feel an emptiness. It's a feeling you can't explain but it's a horrible feeling. It's like anxiety and a stab in the stomach with a mixture of the downs. It's horrible.
