English Language Blog

Moving School 

Moving to Doncaster has been a wild rollercoaster of a trip. It’s a strange emotion to be in a place far away from where you’ve spent a lot of your life. Apart from the random pronunciation confusion I would say that I’ve pretty much integrated myself quite well into this very earthy, “farmey” and “businessy” town. Everything except the school meals is okay, I guess. I was quite baffled and shocked looking at the school meals or rather shocked at the lack of it. The school meal is very snack-based in comparison to Reading school meals. There was sausage rolls, meat pastas, meat buns, meat, meat, meat!! If you still can’t see the similarity, there is basically a lot of meat. Which is quite funny? I used to think there weren’t enough options in my old school but now I kind of miss it. My canteen was huge with meals prepared everyday and different meals made from breakfast to lunch. There was a variety of pastas and even vegetarian sausages. There was a beautiful salad bar and pastries with a variety of options to put inside them. It was refreshing to see that there were options for halal meat there were vegetarian options and so much variety. In comparison, it doesn’t compare.  

I guess they want to support the farming industry or maybe something else. I just wish they had more variety. Another factor is my old school had a 6th form area with microwaves and sinks and kettles. This was an amazing addition as it meant they didn’t have to buy teas and coffees. They could also heat up their home brought food and ramen packets. That was an amazing addition. I’m not complaining, I promise. I don’t hate this school and I am fully aware how lucky I was in my old school but of course there will be bits and pieces I will miss whenever I think about my old school and that’s okay because I can always just move on because situations in life are there to challenge you and make you experience something new and I know that every situation in life is there to help you grow. 

The most shocking thing which I’m not quite used to yet is the difference in diversity. In reading everywhere is diverse. There are people from everywhere from Europeans from the west to the east even from the North. There are people of colour from corner to corner all speaking different languages eating different foods and speaking different languages. In my friendship group alone we had Europeans, Chinese, Pakistani, Indian and Kenyan all together speaking English being born in the United Kingdom. Except from me, of course. Whereas, Doncaster is extremely opposite. Doncaster is the least diverse place I’ve ever lived in my life. I guess I was just used to leaving in a place where there are different people everywhere. Even in Kenya there are different ethnicities and races ranging from Somali’s to Indians to Bantu and many other racial and ethnic groups. So I’ve always been to a diverse area. 

Redemption

one thing I have learnt in my life is that a goal is only accomplished by the actions that you take during the journey.

I don't get Hate

Why are people so horrible We all judge others for their way of life when in reality the best part of being human is how different we all are to each other The variety of beliefs and culture Us humans are complicated beings and it should not be unusual for us to like different things and not be the same i love us being different

Luxury & Necessity

why is there mass production on meat which destroys the planet because (global warming) okay, when it's not really important and most animals end up in the bin. Whereas some people can barely get a meal in days. I find waste the most annoying thing. Recently i've taken action myself, i try my best to recycle and also i don't buy food if i'm not going to eat it all. Not to mention most of my old clothes are given to charities, resold or recycled. It's not enough but it's an action. I hope everyone will try to do it too as a new start to 2016. We all have the luxury to eat everyday in fact 3 meals while some people rarely eat especially since a lot of them are little children and toddlers even babies at a very important stage of their development. Please try to not waste while others rarely eat. You don't know how lucky you are to be born in the country and the family you are in. It won't hurt to recycle. It won't hurt to resell or give your old clothes you will throw away to charities. Less than 3% of water is usable on the earth and most of it is in developed countries which is crazy since most people in developing countries find water as a luxury even though it's needed for life. It's crazy how all of us do silly things like accidentally leave the tap running when that water can be given to children with nothing. 1 in 10 people lack access to safe water and it honestly makes me sad. Since i was a baby i have never stayed a day without showering or drinking water while some have never had that. I haven't written this to make you feel guilty or to make you sad or change your mind about what kind of person you are going to be, i can't do anything about this. However i can speak my mind and try to change your mind. Together we can all make a difference and help, we could do so much. I can ramble and ramble about how we need to do this and that and what we need to change but in the end you can do whatever the hell you want to do and you can choose to read 3 lines of this paragraph and ignore. I'm not saying i'm the best at this but we can all just try even with little things at the comfort at our own home. A real hero doesn't have to be someone who goes to rural africa and gives water to children because they want publicity a real hero feels in their hearts that there is something wrong when in 2016 children are dying from malnutrition and has the guts to speak out and change their way of life for the future of those few children who get ignore everyday even when they are in pain.

No need to feel

I feel shitty. I woke up this morning and my day was kind of bright. I was happy because i slept well and for long. I had a good day, good lunch, good cake and chilled. After that things got shit pretty quick. I don't really know whether, i just have issues or am i actually depressed. I can spend a day with a tear flickering in my eye. Normally, it would just be over nothing or something that happened ages ago and when i come to think of it, i have never had a whole good day in my life. Never. Something always gets it my way. Circumstances in my life have made me feel unhappy even when i was happy. I feel like sometimes i force myself to be sad because i don't deserve to ever be happy. We all deserve to be happy but because of all i've gone through i don't think like that. I have to tell that to myself every morning. Sometimes, i think and i wish that the only issue i would have is drama with friends and new show fails. Just be a normal kid. I wish i could just decide to walk out my house and who travel the world and see all the beauty the world has to offer but everyday i have to wake up to the shame shitty world i was in the last night and it sucks. Constantly i feel like i have to prove something or be something but in my dreams i live a world full of hope and love and i rarely cry but when i do i always have someone there to make me feel better. In this world everyone is too busy with their own problems to look at someone who they have never seen before. I feel their pain, understand how they feel. Thats why i write this blog, to get all my sadness or anger out of the world. To let people know my opinions so that i don't keep them to myself and drown in my sorrows. I can never get to a place of suicide because it's like i'm telling people what i feel. But is it enough. Don't you need to hear someone else's opinions on a situations. Saying it on a blog is like talking to yourself but there is no answer. Even though someone might read it they never know the whole story which really hurts sometimes.

It's weird how people don't talk about mental well being enough even though it physically hurts. You feel an emptiness. It's a feeling you can't explain but it's a horrible feeling. It's like anxiety and a stab in the stomach with a mixture of the downs. It's horrible.

Evil vs Authority

Evil

What is the definition of evil? The direct definition of evil is profoundly immoral or wicked or extremely unpleasant. Wrongdoing has been profound in the history of human kind. That is the key difference between humans and animals. For example, animals kill for nature. They need to kill for survival for life. For human’s it is completely different. Humans sometimes kill for food but in human nature we have reached to a point where majority of the world’s population do not need to hunt to eat. We have reached a point of where we can walk into a store and get varieties of foods, drinks and the rest. That’s not important though. That is just a little idea of how we don’t need meat.

Evil is intentionally hurting or harming someone without purpose. That is intentionally kicking a friend because you felt like it. That is killing an animal without reason neither ideas to eat the animal. So what are we? Why don’t we act like other creatures. Animals act in their nature so does that mean that us humans and murder is a big part of our nature. Were we born to kill? Or a we just trying to be better? This is exactly the ideas that Golding had on the book lord of the flies where a bunch of boys from around the 60s ended up crashing onto an island trying to escape from a war and as they tried to survive on the island. Majority of the boys became controlling, cruel, evil. They picked on the weakest and ended up killing them also. Bearing in mind these young boys were no older than 12.

Maybe society and technology is stopping us from showing our true nature. Maybe we are all just evil inside and layers and layer of leaders and love and society is covering up our true nature. Our reality. There was an experiment in the 70s where it was meant to last for 2 weeks which had to be stopped by 6 days and it was a bunch of students who were separated into 2 groups the guards and prisoners and still today this is very controvertial. The guards instantly and throughout the 6 days were mistreating the “prisoners and being increadibly harsh on them. Which brings me to my next idea “authority”.

Most of our influences come from who is leading us. Who is in power and what are they telling us? We are always given a book of laws and told to follow them and if we refuse we get punishments. This makes you really start to think. Right now there is probably nowhere on earth without the simple rules. Do not kill ect. If you are told certain rules since the day we were born is there any other way to live. Even though we don’t realise it we are built on fear. We are told not to do this and that and if we refuse to listen we are criminalised and given a punishment. No way am I saying that these laws and rules are not good but lets say that all the laws of your country would be refused straight away. Lets say there was no authority giving us ideas and laws what would happen? Would there just be chaos and danger?

I strongly believe that humans are born evil and society and life in general makes us good or evil. I have two examples from history and these were both during the same period of time. The first was Nazi Germany. The first thing is nearly all of the German men and women never said anything about the Jewish community and some ratted out the people who were helping the Jewish. How did Hitler make all the people from Germany hate Jews. How did they make all the people of Germany hate communists. How? The one question is how could no one say anything or were people too tired and too hungry and too weak to say hang on this is not okay. This is wrong. To fully understand this you need to understand that Hitler ruled with fear. He killed and destroyed those who refused to comply with his rules.

However if we remove that factor of cruelty then we realise that if all the people in Germany stood up for their minorities then the holocaust might not have happened.

You can understand this ideology from an experiment a teacher carried out around the 60s. This was where she separated the class into 2. For people with blue eyes and those with brown eyes. Then the teacher told the students with blue eyes that they were better that the students with brown eyes. Straight after the one’s with the blue eyes picked on the children with the brown eyes and also refused to sit with them during lunch hours. These were impressionable children. They listened to authority and straight after began to mistreat the brown eyed children just because someone told them that they were as valued.

This makes you realise that maybe someone who is influencial and strongly respected needs to tell you that this is wrong and this is right for someone to listen and actually follow up the requests. We are what we are told to be. There is no such thing a unique because we are always influenced by something or someone. Which brings we back to evil. Maybe to be evil you need to be born evil and also need to be told to be evil. Maybe a part of your brain needs to be activated for you to be evil but if you are loved and cared for maybe that part of your brain won’t activate and you’ll be just fine.

That leaves me with a question for each and every one of you to think of.

What about women? A staggering 80% of more men are the killer and the rest is women?

Why are women less likely to be evil?

Is it nurture or nature?

But that’s another story to tell.

IS THIS ALL THEIR IS TO LIFE?

Sometimes, I sit by myself in my room and think about my life. Wake up at 6:00 watching tv, while having breakfast while checking my homework then showering brushing teeth at 7:00 and then getting dressed watch tv from the time i finish till 8:00 go to school come home watch tv or do homework go to sleep repeat. My life is an on going circle of the same old crap. I need a meaning a reason to live. I have big ambitions for a tight life. I don't see myself in a boring life. I see myself making music, living my life to the fullest exploring the world or the universe and just enjoying everyday as it is.

But, i'm stuck here is a depressing circumstance of crappy days. I just want to experience it all. I want to do it all. I want to be everything and enjoy my whole life! Instead i feel depressed and isolated. I just want to be myself. I'd rather be spending my day seeing the wonders of the world then spend the whole night watching the sky and then seeing the sun set than sitting here and repeating the same whole thing everyday! Why can't i experience it all. It's unfortunate my life. I see other people's lives and i just think to myself i wish my life was like there's because even if i wanted to today i would never get the chance of doing all i love.

I want to be myself and not be hated or ignored because of it. I want to sing from the top of my lungs and seeing the northern lights. I want to go to everest and see the beauty i want to ride a bullet train, i want to run across lavender filled hills and go under water and see the beautiful sea creature. I want to jump out of a plane and i want to go to dubai and sleep in an under water hotel. I want to enjoy every day and not feel sorry for my worthless life.

The only highlight on my days are my friends and family. If i didn't have them i probably wouldn't have a reason to live. There was an article released by gov.uk on how many children in the uk who are unhappy with their lives and thats a staggering  In 2013, there were an estimated 

12 million children aged 0 to 15, nearly a fifth of the UK population.Research from The Children’s 

Society has shown that a significant minority of UK children suffer from low well-being, which 

impacts on their childhood and life chances, and their families and communities (The Children’s 

Society, 2014). 

That shows that many children never get the chance to choose their way of life and that people have to stick to school to be happy in future. But how to do this you will grow get good grades live a horrible life and get a low paying job get kids and never experience anything. I don't want this. I want to do it all. It's hard seeing music videos of the perfect holidays or adventures and you have to settle to watching other people's lives.

I think that's why people watch reality tv or vloggers because their lives aren't satisfying enough so they watch other people's lives because they like dream. People like to dream. 

I wish i could do more, but money, visa's, crisis, school, society always come in the way and we all have to live the life we have been given without trying to experience everything.

Life should be about enjoying every last second not living in a society but doing your own thing. My motto when i'm able to enjoy every last part of this world we were blessed with.